I asked a friend the other day “What is the first thing that you think of when you think of Christianity?” They responded “anti-homosexual”. According to The Barna Group, my friend is not alone. Their research (which was recently published in the book UnChristian) by David Kinnaman and Gabe Lyons showed that 91% of non-churchgoers ages 16-29 would describe the church as being “anti-homosexual”. Possibly even more shocking is that 80% of churchgoers ages 16-29 agreed!
Is that really what we want people to think of first when they think of Christianity?
Does this bother you?
Updating…
Beratta Gomillion is the Executive Director of the Center for Human Services in Shoreline, Washington.
Another provocative video from RYF. I hope people will really think about responding to this story as if Beratta was a personal friend because someone you already know is a Beratta.
It doesn’t bother me that that American Christianity is known as “anti-homosexual”. It bothers me that “they” are anti-homosexual.
I am not okay with that!
Before we head off on a philosophical tangent I would like to comment on Beratta’s demeanor and the touching way she presnted her views. She was passionate but curious, opinonated without being mean. I think her capacity to own the pain others caused while living separate from it models a very high degree of what some therapists call self differentiation- which for me happens to be one of the key attributes that attracts me to Jesus.
Do I have to support the gay life style when I say that I am not happy with the church being anti-gay? A young man I know is in very destructive lifestyle cut off from his family and friends he feels like everyone in the church that he grew up in hates him and he cannot return. The ones that do still talk to him encourage him to stick with his lifestyle and make bold statements about how they will stick by him no matter what, which is easy because he is and hour away now. I deeply desire for this young man and his family to find peace and reconciliation.
I have heard some express outrage at the thought that someone in the gay lifestyle could repent and then join the struggle to persevere with the rest of us who were trapped in our various sin. Is it loving to deny that Jesus could free him too?
Great questions, Kevin. For what it’s worth, I think that we (especially Christians) have a hard time living in the tension that comes with difference. Do you have to “support the gay lifestyle” when you’re not happy with the church being anti-gay? ABSOLUTELY NOT! But that kind of a statement puts you in a middle ground that can be quite uncomfortable. What does it look like to support a person, but not a lifestyle? Mirky waters. No clear cut answers or 4-step solutions. Each story is unique, and should be treated as such. Personally, I’m going to err on the side of grace and compassion. Which will probably be interpreted as supporting the gay lifestyle. Maybe I am. I’m ok with that tension.
Kevin – your question is very thoughtful and gets to the complexity
“I have heard some express outrage at the thought that someone in the gay lifestyle could repent and then join the struggle to persevere with the rest of us who were trapped in our various sin. Is it loving to deny that Jesus could free him too?”
I agree that “some” people may need to repent from the gay life but not all. As Christians we sometimes build our case on “the exception” and refuse to acknowledge “the rule”.
As Craig says – the middle ground is murky and risky. It is much easier to arrive at a position and then draw a circle around it – Jesus walked into and out of the circle
Kevin,
Isn’t part of the point of the video above that there is no such thing as “the gay lifestyle”, anymore than there is such a thing as “the heterosexual lifestyle”
When you say “the gay lifestyle”, and then go on to describe a particular person’s somewhat destructive lifestyle, aren’t you painting with a bit of a broad brush? Did you perhaps mean “a destructive lifestyle”?
Great thoughts, thanks for the dialogue. Maybe the answer lies in Christians becoming bold enough or should I say able to trust God enough to “live in the tension” of being willing to love and support a person who choices we do not agree with. Maybe the answers of how will be answered when that happens.
That was an attempt at levity I hope it went over…
Ben, I agree with your sentiment that it is indeed a very complex issue that cannot be termed or defined easily, there are just too many variables. I feel that both of us could defend our positions very well. …and we would be left at square one. The question would still remain, how do we move the church past the tension to create an environment of fellowship where even someone as depraved and evil as George Bush could find a healing relationship with Jesus.
“where even someone as depraved and evil as George Bush could find a healing relationship with Jesus”
Some of us are not sure about this except he would have to at least be covered in the love your enemies clause so……
It’s fairly heartbreaking to see Beratta expressing the sentiment she does–”kick in the stomach” and “It makes me want to run from religion”–when she lives and works in the Seattle area, which has surely got to be one of the *most* open, loving, gracious, affirming religious communities in the nation, by and large, with regards to homosexuality.
If Beratta from Seattle has this experience, then what is the average experience of gay and lesbian people in the U.S. with regards to religion and religious community?
I’m wondering if Beratta would also share another story as well–a story about religious people who have been gracious, affirming, and welcoming toward her? Or I wonder if she even has such a story? Is that inappropriate or unkind for me to ask?
Benjamin – check out this other video with Beratta. While, it’s not exactly what you are looking for, I do think it shows a more positive interaction that Beratta has had with religious people.
It is heartbreaking that the church should be known primarily as “anti-homosexual.” Even if the church’s stance on homosexuality remains the same, shouldn’t we primarily be known for much bigger things, like standing for justice, loving each other and our communities, and worshiping God with sincerity?
I don’t know where I stand on the issue. Right now I’m not at the point in my faith where I can just pull up a verse from the Bible and say that answers the question, but at the same time, it never hurts to let traditional opinions inform your thinking. Maybe there was a reason other than being mean-spirited why the apostle Paul thought homosexuality was the result of depravity?
I do wonder, though, why the church fails to recognize that the same basic relationship issues that heterosexuals deal with are pertinent to homosexuals. Surely we would be doing good by reaching out to homosexuals with sound advice on things like fidelity and commitment. I sympathize with the woman in the video, who believes that family values can be present in a homosexual relationship.
Great video, very thought-provoking.
This is one of the most thoughtful responses I have ever read from either a conservative or liberal. You are able to hold a position while simultaneously question it. You identify with the problem of homosexuality and then immediately pull out to the larger issues. And unlike most conservatives or liberals you refrain from “warning or advising” RYF at the end. You take responsibility for holding the tension within yourself. Very mature and highly self differentiated thinker
Jim,
you make me smile. You remind me of my father in law, whose training is in psychology and theology, and who was a university lecturer in psychology before becoming an Anglican priest, which he’s been doing for the last 30 or so years. He does these sort of analyses of people, in front of them, sitting around the dinner table. It’s always surprising to me =)
Yes, homosexuality is wrong! It is wrong…
But so is my sin, my sin is wrong.
We just need to love them and show them the right way.
Not that we are better than them in family values,or that we are more righteous,
but homosexuality is not the way God intended it to be.
“Yes, homosexuality is wrong! It is wrong…”
“We just need to love them and show them the right way.”
These are the narrow views that make the statistics about church views on homosexuality rise. It makes me sad to read.
Sometimes I think about how long ago the bible was written… and I think about how different the times are now. I wonder, if the bible was written now, instead of then, would things be different? Would homosexuality still be so “wrong” if god could send his words and thoughts to be written now? Perhaps instead there would be other focuses. In a world with so much crime, cruelty and selfishness perhaps who we love is not as important as if we love. I feel that Beratta’s level of commitment and love for her partner should be looked at as beautiful and inspiring for all couples everywhere.
I find it odd that Christianity is the code word for anti-homosexuality. Jesus never mentioned homosexuality and if we were to follow his example, neither would we. Apparently, it is not an issue for true Christians.
You know, many people have lots of reasons to run from “religion.” Truth is, most religious circles involve some set of standards/code of ethics by which they believe one should live. And many are stringent. As Jim has commented, its easier to rest on a staunch viewpoint than to explore the possibilities in the middleground. Personally, I believe homosexuality is not God’s way. I do believe it is a sin. I believe that, partly based on what I have been taught, partly based on what I have read in the bible, and partly on my own feelings. Am I a jerk because I believe that? I hope not. I try to treat others with respect, regardless of their point of view. I don’t like the ideology which says I must accept everything, all the time. But I do believe Christians are required to love everyone, all the time. Not that pat you on the shoulder, condescending, “I know better than you but I will listen to you” fakey-love, but the genuine love that Christ showed to others.
My wife and I have both had experiences which would push many people away from religion. Experiences which still affect us and have molded the ways we view the church and structure of it. But we have both had personal experiences with God, experiences which are undeniable. Experiences which have shaped how we live, how we love. In the end, I hate these statistics. I hate the horrible experiences people have had with “well-meaning” Christians who did not act in love. But I won’t let them stop me from being part of a church. I can just as easily be a source, an example of love for those around me. I rely on my relationship with God for direction and trust in certain people to speak into my life. After all, am I not created for intimacy with God? And if He is who I believe, He can guide me in the truth I need.
Beratta is my biological sister and I’m so proud of her for sharing her story. She’s always been one of the kindest, most loving and intelligent people I’ve known and her willingness and ability to so effectively articulate her journey warms my heart. I applaud her courage; I admire her faith; I respect her for being true to herself and her ideals; and I honor her wisdom. It hasn’t been an easy voyage, but she’s walked every step of the way with dignity and truth. Way to go, Sis!
Baretta and her partner Mel are part of our family. I could not be more proud of her. My husband and my children have been blessed with unconditional love and endless support. I agree with everything that Kay said above and want to add that I too honor Baretta’s wisdom. We love you!!!!!!
Can I just say I absolutely love all this sticking up for/honoring of Baretta. It makes me want to hang around RYF more–makes it feel like a safe place. Thank you so much, Kay and Ann. You’re awesome.
I love and admire Beratta. Her relationship with Melody is inspirational. Her courage to find and live her truth in the deep south where bigotry is rampant is an example of true faith.
I don’t understand why the Christian Church has made one’s partner’s gender an issue. Does the church dictate what kind of house one buys or what kind of car one has? Does the church care what color your hair is? If so, it seems to me they are focusing on the differences and not the similarities. My experience tells me that what I focus on gets larger, even larger than the perspective that we are spirits in skin suits and God loves us all because we are all part of the fabric of the universe. A garment with all the same color threads would be redundant, so I believe we are all different to offer each other a different look of love to expand our own definition and bring us closer to the ultimate source of power which is all encompassing and unconditionally loving. Maybe that’s why people who have returned from near death experiences don’t comment on social issues but instead offer the perspective that we are all loved beyond our wildest dreams and as such, could love each other better as a way to connect to that ultimate reality.
On one hand I wonder how we are to reach people in the depths of homosexual lifestyles (because the way we have been doing it, has not been so effective), and on another hand, I feel like she needs to know the “truth” and it should not be watered down.. Even just writing this last sentence, I look at the word “truth”, and see judgmental religion written all over it.
I have some gay friends, and have found that I have mostly shared my faith with them in ways that attempts to build bridges, and on a lot of levels I really do love them. But the sad thing is, I have always felt in the bottom of my heart, that I would never allow myself to get “too close” to them, or to become true friends.. What do you do with that?
Chris,
When you say “the depths of homosexual lifestyles”, what do you mean? Can one also say “the depths of heterosexual lifestyles”?
I have a heterosexual lifestyle, but I wouldn’t say I was in the depths thereof. You?
Why do you choose not to become true friends with your friends who are practicing homosexuals? What would becoming true friends with them look like?
I hope that everyone reads this it is indeed very important..
I’ve never mentioned this in public or even private but the truth is that i as a firm believer in God, i do not hate gay people, i don’t hate them neither judge. The matter is that it clearly says in the bible (Leviticus) that same sex reelationships are not acceptable just as it is not acceptable when there is a love relationship with a sister/ brother. I go by what the bible says, by what God has said. I love gay/lesbian people just as i do anyone that is citizen of this earth. I also agree that yes! go to church be saved but turn from your old ways .. I’m speaking with a very sencere heart and Gosd knows that.
Natalie,
You said “I love gay/lesbian people”. What’s an example of you loving a gay/lesbian person?
I agree with Rachel!!!
We should LOVE like Jesus!!!!
Why don’t we have this conversation about drug addicts? I mean scripture does not address this at all, but who in this conversation would not consider it a sin? Who in this conversation was not a sinner when they were saved? Why does scripture say we are “a new creation”? Why is sin the focus here? “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us”. God doesn’t see homosexuals, liars, drug addicts, gluttons, drunkards, murderers, greedy people, prideful people, hateful people, or any other type of people other than people who need Him. Why do we think we (as Christians) have the options of loving people any different than God? Why do we feel the need to justify any sin? Does it change what it is? It is never about the sin, it is about the individual person. Paul was a murderer of Christians, should he have been excluded from the Christian faith? When we see people as God’s creation to love and be loved, we will have taken a step in the right direction.
I always wonder why people say things like “who are ‘they’ to tell me”…. in all honesty, iis it really “they”, or is it rather who is “He”, as, it is not an individual opinion, but rather, it is the plain teaching of God’s Word.