Read Pam’s blog posts “Cussing Christians, Freakin’ A!” and “The F Word and Christians” for a more thorough look at Pam’s thoughts on cussing.
It’s ironic that the topic of profanity came up in the city of Portland (which is where Pam lives). The first (and only) time I dropped the F-bomb in my parent’s presence was on a family trip to Portland. It caused lots of family drama. My dad was troubled by what he perceived as a decline in my values and I was frustrated that I couldn’t be authentic around my family without feeling judged. I was 25 at the time. I was taught growing up that certain words are inherently bad, but now wonder if there’s more to it than that. I like how Pam sees profanity as something that adds emotion (good or bad). That’s also where I landed following the incident with my family. I realized that I was trying to provoke my dad and including “fuck” in the sentence brought emotion to that provocation. I ended up apologizing to my family for my insensitivity and I’ve not cursed around them since. However, profanity continues to be a part of my vocabulary and I’m OK with that for reasons similar to Pam’s.
What do you think?
Do you use profanity? Why or why not?
Updating…
Pam Hegeweide is a writer in Portland, OR who has a blog called How God Messed Up My Religion.
I think using the lord’s name in vain is wrong. I also think derivatives of it are in bad taste (e.g. gosh darnit , holy cripes). Substituting words to make a curse “prettier” seems worse than just saying what you mean to say. As for all other “curse” words, I think it’s up to that person to judge if it is appropriate in the situation they meet. Personally, I’m more likely to be offended by somebody saying “like” 20 times in conversation than if they are cursing.
That’s like totally cool dan, like, I really mean it. You’re like so cool for saying that. (there I go provoking people again:-)
per using the Lord’s name in vain: This does seem a little different for me than other profanity, it doesn’t seem to bring “emotion” like other words/phrases, so it’s not really something I say. However, I do think we tend to limit the meaning of using the Lord’s name in vain to the phrase “God damn it”, while there are plenty of other ways that we can be vain towards God without those works…Karl brings up a few that come to mind for him in the video Abortion, Lies & Damnation.
I tend to think of “taking or using the Lord’s name in vain” to mean something more like invoking it as if you were operating in/under the plan/system/authority/name of the Lord when you really aren’t.
It’s kind of like “in the name of the law”. Pretending to be a police officer, and then arresting people or getting things you want or making things happen that you want because people are responding as if you carried the authority of the police department, when in actuality you dont–that’s taking or using the name of the law in vain. Thus pretending to be a Jesus follower, or getting what you want, or trying to use that authority/power/plan/system/etc. to further your own ends when you actually aren’t really following the rules/playbook etc. of the system (i.e., doing what Jesus said to do)–that’s using the Lord’s name in vain in my understanding, rather than half hazard use of words to express anger, disgust, etc. which include references to Jesus.
I guess I mean to say that if you really *intended* God to damn something, and were using it coldly and intentionally with the full desire that God would damn it, when you don’t/shouldn’t actually have access to that power or be using it that way–*that’s* using it in vain.
Pam,
You fucking rock! thank you for sharing a bit of your story.
I grew up in this super conservative fundamentalist place where no one ever said a curse word one, and so neither did I. Then I moved away and worked as a volunteer for two years in the engine room of a ship belonging to an evangelical missionary organization, where I learned a whole new type of language. I’m still working on the appropriate to the context element, but I’ve made a little progress =)
I would *love* to pick your brain re: the research you did about cussing. Is cussing/not cussing used by socioeconomic groups to hold, or to reach for, power?
I think that you may change your perspective once you have children. When people cuss in front of my kids, I am highly offended. The other part is that when people choose to use language that is offensive to others, it makes them seem self centered, ie: I am going to say F this because I have strong emotions and I don’t care about your values. In addition, I think that there are a ton of words that express emotion and you should be able to make your point without being offensive.
Juli,
Why are you offended when people cuss in front of your kids?
Do you have a few suggestions for words which express as much emotions as the F word? For example–above I said to Pam “You F***ing rock!”–because I know Pam personally, and I really do think she is one of the uber kewlest people on the face of the planet. How would you express that to someone about whom you feel that way?
I’m not sure you listened to the same video I did. she clearly talked about when it is appropriate to use vulgarity and audience. Language is a beautiful complex thing. there should be words that have so much intensity that you should be an adult to use them and they should only be used sparingly as to not diminish the impact they have. she specifically stated that she doesn’t swear to offend (I believe she gave the examples of her mother and a cashier). However, if you’re a parent who never swears in front of your children and then one day they push you to swearing there is no stronger use of language. i remember the one time I heard my grandmother swear. I would have sworn the shook without her even raising her voice.
Interesting conversation about the F bomb… everytime I write about it or someone wants to talk about it, the discussion always becomes divided. This is a topic that none will ever agree on, for words have power and meaning and we are passionate about that power and those meanings.
I have a 12y old son and a 15y old daughter. My daughter, who can count on one hand how many swear words she has said her entire life, is gentle by nature. I note this in how I talk to her and around her. Her friends at school affectionately tease her for her virtuous ways. Not unduly pious, this is her nature.
My son is a different story. Snarky, verbose since he could utter his first syllables as a toddler, this boy lets the expletives fly when his man goes down on Modern Warfare 2. He is not inappropriate around others in public, but at home he sometimes gets overly comfortable and I have to remind him to watch his mouth around his sister. I don’t mind it myself. He’s not abusive with his words except when he argues with his sister, and even then it’s mild compared to some of the crazy XXX rated rants that are shouted around my neighborhood (I live near a busy city street and sometimes people waiting for the bus argue. Loudly!)
In the culture of my home four letter words like d*mn and even f*ck won’t necessarily get a reprimand from mom. But hurling abuse at each other (stupid, i hate you, retarded) is not tolerated. There is a difference, at least from my family’s perspective. I’ve conferred with other moms of adolescent boys who tell me they have similar guidelines. We have to pick our battles and naughty words shouted at video games is just not one of them for me.
Having said that (Julie you’ll like this story)…when my kids were very young we were at a lake. A pack of teens playing in the water were cussing up a storm (F you, mofo, etc…they were foul!) I watched my kids and they were happily playing on the lake’s beach, oblivious to the teens cuss fest. And then, after another round of profanity, I noticed a few other little ones stop playing and look up and listen…that was it for me. The other moms were complaining about it and uncomfortable, but I got my mama bear vibe on. I walked up to the waterline and shouted for the teens attention, but they didn’t notice me. So I waded into the water, waist high with my clothes on, and shouted again. This time I had their attention. “Hey! I need you to watch what you’re saying. There’s little kids on this beach and they don’t need to learn cuss words from you!”
“Ok, ok, sorry!”
Within minutes it resumed. Grrr….
I shouted at them again.
They stopped again. For a few minutes.
I decided that if there needed to be a third confrontation I would just go get the park ranger (who I knew from previous lake outings). But then an older woman who had been sitting way back under the trees chain smoking, rushed to the lake’s edge just as a new round of swearing kicked up. “Knock it off! That lady’s gonna get the ranger if you don’t stop it!” She was the mother of the loudest, foulest one.
It took a lot of drama for her to exert her motherly authority on her obnoxious, potty-mouthed son. I can assure you, my son would never act like that, and if he did and I was there, there would not be a second or third round of swearing in front of small children. (and he’d get a bar of soap for lunch!)
I teach my son to be respectful. My mom just arrived here today. I warned him, Don’t swear in front of Nana! (which is possible if he is playing his xbox and gets frustrated!) There will be consequences if he does not exercise self-control!
So no worries from my family, Juli. I might drop the F bomb with my friends and sometimes when I write, but I do have manners.
(everybody have a great holiday…and ben, tell meg i found your aussie address in her recipe book, which i LOVE!)
Ben–
Ya just never know whose little ears are listening…. LOL, yes, I’m talking about 2 of my 3 kids, one who was very precocious as a young kid, and one who is autistic, remember? Yeh. Both kids picked up the F-bomb at very young ages, and proceeded to use it with boldness only a 3 year old can attain! My son who is autistic decided for years to use it during meltdowns… It was real fun. NOT.
Be nice to moms and dads who are trying to keep their kids’ mouths innocent and not have to explain bad words at an age when they just won’t understand social context. PLEASE???
+0)
Tami
If we’re speaking of an audience that we might offend, is anyone considering the Lord, whom you claim? Just wondering. Scripture teaches that we’ll give an account for every vain (empty OR PROFANE) word we utter. Also, take into consideration David’s psalm, “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, my rock and my Redeemer.” ~ Ps 19:14. All we do, think, say should be pleasing to the One that gave His life for us.
It would be interesting to know the ages of folks that’ve responded and how long they’ve claimed the Lord as their Savior. I’m not certain, but it might be that the closer the walk, the further away from such talk. Our words are containers. They hold great meaning. And produce a great impact.
Blessings and cursings are taken very seriously in the Word. Perhaps a good study into our words and the value they possess would open some eyes to the reasons those that wear the title “Christian” should not speak like the devil. If we claim the Name of Christ, the Word is our roadmap. Let’s not veer off course.
Our words could help someone come to Christ. . . or could turn them away from Him forever. I pray my words would never be those that condemn a soul for eternity.
Stacy,
To answer your question–I’m 35 and I don’t claim the Lord as my Savior (although I used to do so).
How do you feel about all the really “bad” language that so many Scriptural heroes, including Jesus, use? (I’m thinking of, for instance, Jesus’ angry, dehumanizing langauge toward the scribes and pharisees.)
I rather suspect the devil (if he exists), is at least as good at using erudite, “appropriate”, “excellent” language as she is at using any other kind. What if we were all going about using “good” language and at the same time we were spending US$650 Billion/year, or US$1.2 Trillion/year, on building guns, planes, bombs, etc. etc. for the purpose of killing our enemies and their children? In my opinion, that would be completely fucked (although it wouldn’t be, alas, FUBAR, as it’s normal enough to be fully recognizable)
Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks,(Luke6:45). As water reflects a face, so a man’s heart reflects the man,(Proverbs27:19). Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen, (Ephesians4:29). But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. No immoral, impure, or greedy person -such a man is an idolater- has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God, Ephesians5:3-5. There need be no more study of whether or not it is appropriate for Christians to use the f word or any other obscenity for that matter. It’s pretty clear in God’s word that it is not what He intends. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers this should not be.
I am a sixteen year old Christian and I use many, many cuss words every day and I don’t have a problem with it. When I started swearing in middle school, I prided myself on being someone who knew how to cuss. By that, I mean that I didn’t use one every other word, I used amusing substitutes when the situation wasn’t serious enough for the F bomb, and I only cursed around certain people. Now that I am in high school, I do swear around my parents and the majority of my friends. I believe that there are certain emotions that ‘shoot’ and ‘darn it’ cannot convey. When I drop something heavy on my bare foot, let me say shit. Words are just words and we cannot be afraid to use them freely.
One thing that I have learned about etiquette, is that it seems to apply to who you are with. Not necessarily a set of rules to be used with everyone, all the time, but a freedom to walk in each moment of life. If one moment is walking with a brother or sister in Christ that may not have or see swearing as a possible freedom in life, then i believe that it is important to walk out the freedom not to swear. To me, it seems that the freedom to do something(like swearing) is just as relevant as the freedom not to do something. My whole point is, am I truly free in my love for that person and Jesus, if I feel that it is my right to do whatever I want around them. If I feel this way, then I am probably bound up by what I think freedom is! True freedom is only found in walking out love in every moment of life. The more love there is, the more true freedom and grace have a chance to have abound.
I must say, I have grown up in a christian home. However, I use expletives from time to time. I do feel they express how I truly feel, even if I am mad and I feel the need to say sorry later. I feel like I would be more truthful in what I am thinking and there is more truth to that, than hiding my feelings. I am still pretty young(25), but I know that the consequences of my actions and my words, how they can hurt or damage relationships. So, in stumbling through my short life so far, I have realized that the best balm for my blunders or mispeaking, is that of true humility.
“Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer everyone.” – Colossians 4:6 This says to me that we should learn how to express ourself verbally from the love of Christ. Harsh words of any kind should not be part of our language. We have abused our language to the point that it has less impact. For instance: We say we love our new car or we love ice cream. Love is not a word that should be used on inanimate objects. So when we say we love someone, it has less meaning. Because of this, we feel that we must step up our words with more emotion. Maybe this is why scripture says “let your yes be yes and your no be no”. I am not saying that I do not fail in any of this, I am saying that I hold myself accountable to the standard that I set.
this is a good convo, and one i’ve had for quite a few years. I like the way Pam puts it, and that is kind of the way it’s worked with my kids… also after studying sociologists as well, it’s not just the emotional charge in the words, but it also has to be realized it’s the vernacular or language of a culture… my mum gets irritated because of it’s seeming disrespect, but it doesn’t actually mean what is being said.. it’s much like if you go to Italy i think it is, and you give a thumbs up, that means to stick something somewhere.. the funny thing is.. my ex wife was a pre-school director for some years, and so i really had to curb my language, so yes i do the alternatives.. which now some of my more “tribal” friends look at me very strangely… and then i have to explain, why i’m saying “fudge”.. anyway.. point is we all have a unique language and peer culture.. and sometimes there can be just as much insensitivity to those who use that as their language.. the chief thing i said to my kids real early.. is that cussing generally reflects a lack of language skills, get a dictionary or something.. but if you need something with some punch every now and then, like you drop a hammer on your foot.. an expletive will do the job..
Thanks to those who have dropped by to add to this discussion. Words have power, and especially words from the bible.
I made a decision a long time back not to engage in lobbing verses back and forth. My silence ought not be interpreted as being biblically illiterate. I know my bible.
I appreciate your POV, Redeemed. I respect it. You may soon find yourself in a conversation with someone who uses profanity. I hope you’ll be able to hear what they’re really saying beneath the four-letter words. A Christian counselor I know tells his Xtian clients to use whatever words they need in order to communicate their story. I find it interesting that he has to give these folks permission to uncensor their emotions. Bartenders don’t.
I do not cuss like a sailor or a gangster. I’m a middle-working-class mini-van-driving-mama who sometimes reaches for just that right word to express myself. For me, not you, a well-placed F bomb is all that will do.
“I made a decision a long time back not to engage in lobbing verses back and forth. My silence ought not be interpreted as being biblically illiterate. I know my bible.”
Right on ! Actions speak louder than …OPs, did I just quote a verse or a cliche? Damn.