This is the second video in a two-part series about authenticity. If you haven’t seen it already, check out part one: Embracing the Mess.
How would you have responded if you were in Elaine’s group?
Updating…
Elaine Hamilton is a Marriage and Family Therapist in San Diego, CA and the author of Church on the Couch.
I like this approach. It allows for loving, relational discussion without the opression of putting our expectations on someone else to change. It certainly is messier when we allow people to have the freedom to grow and mature in their relationship with Jesus instead of just getting them to follow a moral code, but it seems to have a much healthier outcome in the longrun. If we see discipleship as a journey instead of a destination, we don’t have to live in fear of people’s brokeness. It also gives place for the Holy Spirit to do his work.
The truth is, even if we drug the adulteress to Jesus, he wouldn’t condemn or stone her.
This was so helpful to hear. My husband and I have been processing with our son through a very “messy” time in his life. He is an adult. Even so it is very difficult as a parent NOT to try and be the Holy Spirit in their lives. This is encouraging me that we are heading down the right path.
I know that even a few years ago, I would have tended to be the judge in that situation with Elaine’s group, I am sorry to say.
I really appreciate the idea of a place that is so safe that you can talk about what you are going through, not just what you have been through.
I expect it takes a bit of adjustment to ‘challenge’ one another, but not ‘judge or condemn’ them. Old habits take a bit of effort to unlearn–but that’s what we need to do.
I want to be friends with Elaine Hamilton.
Is this a joke.
A question then Mrs Elaine
1) what would you say to the same person e.g. a man who says they had bee raping their own daughter? Would still say you would leave that person to go through a process has you say while an innocent child is being sexually assualted by someone that supposed to protect them.
Infidelity is not only a sin that ruins lives but worse it destroys the soul as the bible clearly teaches us.
Hey bb,
It definitely makes sense to me that I would totally take steps to protect a minor who I learned was being sexually molested, but I would probably not take steps to protect an adult who I learned was being lied to and cheated on by their spouse. Why does the latter example lead you to ask about the former scenario? If you are being driven in a car by someone and they exceed the speed limit by 5 miles per hour, do you call 9-11? It seems to me that perhaps because Elaine has drawn the line of where she takes responsibility at point X, which is perhaps not the same as the point at which you draw such a line at point Y, you immediately question “Well, then do you agree with the more generally accepted line at point Z?” I wonder why this leads you to ask that question? I’m really curious.
Mrs Elaine Hamilton using my example above wouldnt you clearly want to inform the poor child (daughters) mother that did you know your husband has been sexually molesting your child.
On the same premises wouldnt it suffice that the right action would be for the woman to stop her affair immediately and inform her husband hence.
Everyone needs a place where they can be honest, since this encourages honesty with God. If I feel that you are going to judge me and try to “fix” the situation according to your guidelines and moral upbringing, I won’t ever tell you anything important. I’ll live in fear that someday you’ll find out I’m not perfect. And the likelihood of me overcoming my struggles on my own is slim, since outsider insights and challenges are some of the many ways God works in our lives.
Isn’t it better to have a place where people can be honest about their sin with others, figure out why they are committing it and allow God to prompt convictions, action and healing after they’ve been honest rather than fearing that you will judge them even after that sin has been removed from their life? That, I think, is the point of this group.